longing.

Today, just for a moment, I'm allowing the longing to flood my system.

I miss his singing voice.
I miss his silly jokes...the ones I only laughed at to spare his feelings.
I miss his grilled cheese with ham.
I miss wearing his oversized shoes.
I miss his laugh.
I miss listening to Reggae with him on roadtrips.
I miss one-sided conversations, and simply listening to his wisdom.
I miss the way he would talk with his CPAP on.
I miss the way he smelled after being out in the cold winter air.
I miss playing Nintendo with him.
I miss losing to him in chess... every time.
I miss watching storms on the porch.
I miss "ice cream in the paper." (This is the name my five-year-old self invented for ice cream sandwiches...and not just any ice cream sandwiches- the real ones, with the smooth vanilla ice cream enveloped between two chocolate chip cookies. YUM.)
I miss the hotdishes he would invent.
I miss how he'd forget to turn off his blinker after changing lanes.
I miss saying prayers with him.
I miss waking up to his snuggles before school.
I miss his snore.
I miss lunch box love notes.
I miss his email forwards.
I miss him cracking my toes.
I miss pancakes for dinner.
I miss his thorough and detailed explanations.
I miss how he'd respond to the question, "You know what's funny?" with, "Ummm...when you suddenly realize your pants are on backwards..." or some other thing he invented on the spot.
I miss how much he truly desired to understand me.