change.

May 13th marked the end of my freshman year of college.

I can honestly say I have been markedly and noticeably changed.

I came to River Falls believing in God, but not believing in His love for me. I believed that it was for everyone else, but that I was completely unworthy of His care, and completely unlovable besides. I can't honestly tell you when this deep belief rooted itself in my heart, and I can't say exactly when it began to uproot and leave, but sometime over this last spring, I was changed in a real way.

The fears are not completely gone. I can still feel the last dark fragments of self doubt and insecurity. They creep up on me at unexpected times. As with any change, it takes time to grow into. I am not fooling myself into thinking that it will be an instant re-creation. Confidence and belief in myself and in my worth are all things that take practice.

So many factors have gone into this change that it's hard to determine just which have been most instrumental. I've shifted my focus from my own human weakness to God's divine power. I've shifted my worth from the people I've placed it in for so long, and instead trust my Savior with my whole heart. I am learning not to run from the sad when it happens, but instead to hold it for just a few moments- accept it as it is and allow myself to feel it. I've adopted a higher opinion of myself and my value to the groups in which I am involved. More than ever, I now feel that I really belong in River Falls.

I spent the last week in the UP, Michigan, with some of the greatest people I've ever met. I went into the trip with prayerful skepticism. I was not sure what to expect, and I was unsure how God was going to draw me closer than I already was. Somehow He did. It was deeply healing just to be with these people: to be listened to and cared for and loved by such a wonderful community of believers. A family of believers, into which I fall like a perfect puzzle piece.

Every moment I was there, I recognized new changes in myself. New ways that I was breaking the mould of sadness and negativity I'd been dwelling in for so long. Expanding horizons, pushing comfort zones, deconstructing walls. I have noticed how much easier it is becoming to share my story. It feels less like dragging it out of myself and more like simple sharing. That can be nothing but God's power at work.

I feel my prayer for confidence being answered more and more every day. I am continuing to dive deeper and deeper into who Jesus is and, in turn, finding who I really am in Jesus.

All glory to God.